suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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