Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
