hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
