i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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