dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
