Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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