Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
