oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
