I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
