Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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