dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
