If i come over, it means nothing
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
