You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
