That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
