took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
