Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
