Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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