Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
