shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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