So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
