I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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