Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
