How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness