we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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