Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.