as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
