omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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