She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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