Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
