I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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