Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
