i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
