Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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