New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
