I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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