I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
