why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
