Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
