why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
