She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
