...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
