I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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