I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
