She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize