Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
