Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dick very happy bro
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
