I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
