Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
