omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
