How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
