i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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