So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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