Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
