a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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