At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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