my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
