so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
