im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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