I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
