And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
