So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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