Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
