remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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