I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
