ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
