Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
