Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
