Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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