wrigley field is MILF paradise
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
