She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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