I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's Friday. Sex?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
