if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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