wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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